


Stay

by Lyricoloratura



Series: Waiting for My Real Life to Begin [2]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 19:29:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyricoloratura/pseuds/Lyricoloratura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sulu told Chekov he wouldn't leave him.  And he wouldn't -- no matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously annoying -- but THIS story is "Part 1" of the series, NOT "Part 2." But I can't make the site believe me...

They've been in this situation before, he and Pavel – any number of times in the months they've served together on the Enterprise. It's almost routine by now; the two of them, somehow separated from the rest of the away team, and everything falling to shit all at once. Then the two of them – Sulu and Chekov, Chekov and Sulu, always – stand together and get out of whatever God-awful trouble they're in by some combination of skill, guts, or sheer luck.

The story isn't supposed to end like this.

The hell of it is, Hikaru can't even remember quite what went wrong; whatever's caused the injury that has his head exploding with pain seems also to have wiped out his short-term memory. More than anything else, this realization pisses him off.

If I'm going to die, dammit, I'd at least like to know why.

Because, for the first time in all their away missions, he's pretty sure that he is.

Going to die, that is.

They've made it together into the shelter of a cave, at least temporarily out of reach of whoever – or whatever – the fuck it was that's done this to him. To them.

Because, damn – Pavel's in worse shape yet than he is, if that's possible. There's a huge red stain spreading across the gold of his jersey – and Hikaru realizes dimly that the blood that he sees all over his own arm isn't his after all, but Pavel's. 

The warmth Hikaru feels pouring steadily down the side of his face – now, that's his own blood. 

The pain in his head is increasing, and he struggles to keep his vision clear; he needs to be able to see in order to do what he can to tend to Pavel. 

“Don't worry about it, 'Karu.” Pavel's voice is barely audible as he bats away Hikaru's hands from the wound on his chest. “It's... not that bad.” His breath is coming in uneven gasps, and his face is already pale as death. He's lying, knows that Hikaru knows it, too.

“No, Pav – I'm not going to let you give up. We'll get out of this. We always do.” Hikaru makes another futile attempt to hail the Enterprise – but of course the damn communicator is useless here. Maybe it's the cave that's blocking the signal – but he can't seem to get back out into the open; his legs have stopped working the way he needs them to. He can't help thinking that it won't be long now until he and Pavel both die in this motherfucking cave.

And God – it's so hot. There's something wrong with that, and Hikaru realizes vaguely that he ought to know what that is – but his thoughts aren't cooperating.

This isn't good.

So he scoots awkwardly over to where Pavel is leaning against one wall of the cave, and gently shifts them both so that Pavel is halfway across his lap and can rest his head on Hikaru's shoulder. He thinks Pavel might get some comfort from that – he knows it comforts him.

This is his best friend – his first, his only best friend – and he's always better with Pavel than without him.

Hikaru knows he doesn't want to be without him.

But now Pavel's breathing is making a horrifying new sound – something between a sucking and a rattling – that makes Hikaru's blood run cold, even in the sweltering heat of the cave.

“Pav.” He can hear the desperation in his own voice, tries to play it down a little, for Pavel's sake. “Hang on. You've gotta hang on, man – it's just a matter of time before they come for us. Come on, Pav – you can do this.”

Pavel looks up at him with those huge, clear blue eyes – reaches over with his failing strength to grasp Hikaru's hand. “I'm sorry, 'Karu – I don't think I can.” He gives Hikaru's hand a squeeze. “I'm glad you're here, though. If it has to be now... glad I'm with you.”

With his free hand, Hikaru reaches down to cup Pavel's face. “Pav – I'm right here, and I'm staying right here. I won't leave you – not ever, do you hear me? Now, don't you leave me either – I mean, dude, come on... we're Chekov and Sulu, Sulu and Chekov...” Hikaru feels the tears in his eyes – hopes they're not visible in the murky light of the cave. “You can't leave me.”

Pavel looks up at him – there's agonizing pain on his face, but so much love, as well. He tries to smile, draws a long, shuddering breath. 

“Oh, 'Karu...”

Those blue eyes slowly close, and...

...And nothing.

“Pav? Pavel!”

Nothing.

He's gone.


	2. Two

It's easy enough, just for now, to pretend that he's just asleep. Pavel's face looks peaceful, almost sweet, with his head resting against Hikaru's shoulder – not like the horribly contorted grimaces that Hikaru has seen on so many comrades when they've died.

Died.

_**No.** _

Without thinking about it, Hikaru gathers Pavel closer to his chest, rocking the silent, motionless body as he would a sleeping child.

_It's not right. Not fair. Not Pavel – not now._

_He's just a baby – he's seventeen, for God's sake. Too young even to be in space – much less to die there._

_You were always able to take care of him at the Academy; you found a bakery in San Francisco that made cookies like his Grandma's to cheer him up when he got too homesick, and bugged him to stay on top of his laundry and clean his side of the dorm room every now and then._

_Without him ever knowing it, you kept the other cadets off his ass – the ones who wanted to torment him because Pav was sixteen and already smarter than they'd ever hope to be._

_You held him together after Vulcan, after the loss of Spock's mother – where the fuck were you when he needed you today?_

Y _ou should have protected him; you should have saved him. You should have helped him fight, made him hang on._

_You shouldn't have let him die._

He finds himself talking to Pavel as though he can hear him, clutching him closer still in shaking arms. “Won't leave you, Pav. Told you I wouldn't, and I won't. Not ever. Not ever.”

Suddenly, then, everything is shaking around him – obviously an earthquake, though Hikaru feels the rattling tremors as though they are coming from the center of his own body. He leans over Pavel to shield him from the shower of rocks skittering down from the ceiling of their shelter – he knows in some part of his mind that this is a futile gesture, but doesn't care.

Something has fallen across the entrance of the cave. It's dark, now, and if such a thing could be possible, it's gotten even hotter. 

Somehow, the darkness feels like a signal to Hikaru; time to let go. Maybe the crew of the Enterprise will find them at some point, maybe not – but for now, the pain that is splitting his head and wracking his body is just too much, and he simply doesn't want to keep fighting. 

Especially if Pavel isn't there to fight alongside him. Shifting Pavel's body into a more comfortable position across his lap, he closes his eyes and leans back against the wall of the cave.

He feels himself shutting down, little by little – and it's almost a relief. Giving up is something Hikaru Sulu has never done in his life – not once – but this is different. This once, he thinks, it's probably okay – and after all, who's going to know, anyway?

Pavel wouldn't want him to give up – he knows that. Pavel would be pissed as hell if he knew, and would be chewing him out in some sort of fast, frantic mix of Standard and Russian that nobody but Hikaru had ever seemed to understand.

He pulls Pavel's body close again, a sob caught in his throat. “I'm sorry, buddy. So sorry...”

He's not really sure what he's apologizing for. 

All of it, probably.

Then comes the shaking again – violent, horrible. The sharp, jerking tremors of the ground beneath him send fresh agony through Hikaru's body, and he hears himself trying to cry out in pain. His voice sounds harsh and strange to his own ears, as though it belongs to someone else.

Then there's a voice that definitely belongs to someone else, coming from somewhere nearby.


	3. Three

“Sulu! Sulu – can you hear me?” McCoy – he must be just outside the blocked entrance to the cave, from the sound of his voice. 

Hikaru doesn't answer him.

_Now you show up, you son of a bitch? Too late to help Pavel – and too late for me, too. I'm done. Screw you._

“Sulu – dammit, answer me, man!”

_No. Not leaving Pavel._

He tries to shout, “Go away!” It comes out, not as words, but as a senseless, guttural croak torn from his throat.

_Voice doesn't work, legs don't work, everything hurts so damn much – this has got to end soon, doesn't it? And it is just so fucking hot in this cave._

_What a stupid-ass place to die._

He hears McCoy again – _why aren't you giving up, asshole? Time to give up, don't you know that?_ “Spock.” The doctor's voice has an edge of desperation. “Can you go in there and try to reach him?”

Spock sounds as calm as always. “I shall make the attempt, Doctor.”

_No._ Hikaru gathers all his dwindling strength to speak...

“Leave me alone, Spock. Go away – leave us here. I'm staying here with Chekov. He's – he's just a kid. He hates to be by himself. He doesn't like it in the dark. It was my job to take care of him. I'm not leaving him, do you understand me?”

Spock seems confused. “Lieutenant, we would not ask this of you. But you must –“

“GO AWAY!” Hikaru hurls this at Spock with all the force left in his rapidly-weakening body – and amazingly, Spock is gone.

“What the hell was that all about, Spock?” The doctor's voice sounds rough, worried.

“Lieutenant Sulu is under the impression that we will require him to leave Ensign Chekov behind in the place where they are both trapped. He will not go without him, and was adamant that I go away and leave him to die with the ensign.”

“To die... with Pavel? You mean...”

“From what I could gather from the lieutenant, it is my understanding that he... has expired.”

McCoy is uncharacteristically quiet; Hikaru can barely hear him through whatever is blocking the cave entrance – and through the pain that is screaming into his head like fire. “Ah, God. And Sulu won't leave him in there by himself, is that it?”

“That is indeed the case, doctor. The lieutenant feels strongly that it was his responsibility to keep Ensign Chekov safe, and that his... death seems to reflect a failure on his part.”

“So... what, then? He thinks I'm going to just leave him to die?”

“That, doctor, seems to be his wish.”

“Which explains the readings I'm able to get on him for the time being, I guess. His body systems are shutting down, now, one by one. Sounds to me like he's given up, and is more or less letting himself die.”

“What do you suggest, doctor?”

“I'd say it's pretty obvious. We have to get Chekov for him, and damn soon.”

That probably makes sense – if they come in to get him, they can bring Pavel out, too, can't they? Hikaru doesn't really know why that didn't occur to him before; his thoughts aren't doing what he wants them to – not at all.

Not that it matters. They won't manage to get to him in time, either, at this rate – he's just done.

Then the shaking starts again around him – God, it hurts, make it stop – and Hikaru isn't sure whether he feels himself screaming or hears it before he's sucked down into swirling heat and darkness.

He doesn't hear McCoy calling him, or his tense words to Spock.

“Go. Get Chekov. _Now_.”


	4. Four

“All right, Bones – are you gonna tell me what's going on?”

McCoy looks up from his computer, perusing a readout on a nearby monitor. He shakes his head, sighs. “Which part of 'what's going on' do you want, Jim?” 

“Oh, I don't know. Wanna start with why Spock about knocked me over on the way to the bridge and has Uhura hailing the _Revere_ – without so much as asking me, I might add – and only has time to tell me that it's a 'medical emergency' and I should come speak to you?”

“Yeah, I can explain that to you. Come with me.”

They leave the CMO's office, moving to a room in Sickbay usually used for isolation cases. There, attached to a dizzying array of machinery, is...

“Holy shit, Bones – _Sulu?_ What's the matter? I thought...”

“That he was on the mend after this last away mission? Yeah. Me too. Turns out, though – just got the blood work back – he picked up some sort of indigenous parasite on-planet. I can only assume that it got into his system through one of the places where he was wounded – it's small enough that it's not readily detectable, and it must have got past my scans when I was trying to get him closed back up again.”

McCoy pauses, and they both watch the unconscious man tossing restlessly on the biobed, his face unnaturally pale except for the spots of high color in his cheeks.

“A parasite? What's it doing to him?”

“Systemic infection, basically. Fever's gotten as high as 42.2 – and even now, I've only managed to drop it down to 41.8. He's experiencing febrile seizures – and you almost never see those in adults, but so far he's had three. Three, Jim – and though they're not dangerous themselves, they look agonizing for him, poor bastard. I've got him on an antibiotic that ought to be knocking out the infection, and we've tried all the antipyretics we can think of to get the temp down. This" – he gestures to the machinery – "is my last resort; I've hooked him up to dialysis, and I'm literally cooling off his blood supply to try to bring down his body temperature. Otherwise...”

“So, you're thinking he could...”

“Die? Very easily, unfortunately.” Bones' expression is grim. There could be some serious damage, even if he doesn't – human body tissue just isn't meant to tolerate that kind of fever.”

Kirk moves closer to the biobed, and lays a tentative hand on Sulu's forehead. He yanks it away almost immediately.

“Christ, Bones!” He turns from Sulu to face the doctor. “But you haven't told me what this has to do with Spock hailing the _Revere_ – what's up with that?”

“It's like this, Jim. Sulu's delirious – as you can easily imagine – and he seems to have gotten fixated on the idea that he's still trapped somewhere with Chekov. In his head – wherever he is in there – Chekov has died, and Sulu won't leave him. Spock tried to initiate a partial meld with him to bring him back to reality, but he only managed a few seconds before Sulu threw him out.”

“He... wait. Threw him out?” Jim's blue eyes are wide. “Threw _Spock_ out?” 

“Yeah.” McCoy reaches down to feel Sulu's forehead, absently stroking back Hikaru's thick, dark hair as he answers. “If we can get him through this and he gets better, that part'll be pretty funny – don't think anybody's ever been able to do that to Spock before.” 

He focuses his attention on Jim again. “Problem is, he's given up – almost seems like he's willing himself to shut down. In the time he was in there in his thoughts with him, Spock got the idea that Sulu's made up his mind just to die with Chekov.”

“But... Chekov's not dead. Chekov's on the – oh.” 

Of course. Chekov's been on the _Revere_ for the past three days, helping them with some of their stellar cartography software.

“Spock's getting Chekov, right?”

“Got it in one, Jim. Somebody's gotta convince him to fight – and he'll fight for the kid, even if he won't do it for himself.” McCoy shakes his head. “Crazy bastard.”

Jim's expression softens as he looks up at the doctor. “Not so crazy. If it was you in that spot, you wouldn't leave me, and you know it.”

Bones is silent for a long time. “No. You're right; I wouldn't. And you wouldn't leave me, either.” He scans the machines monitoring Sulu's status before serious hazel eyes meet intense blue ones. “Space is no place to be without your best friend.”

The doctor's communicator chirps. “Spock to McCoy.”

“McCoy here – Spock, were you able to reach the _Rev-_ ”

“Hikaru! Where's Hikaru?” 

McCoy's question is answered as he's nearly knocked over by the young Russian sprinting into Sickbay.


	5. Five

The next thing Hikaru feels is a bizarre chill crawling through his veins. He shivers, hard.

He tries to remember anything about where he is, what the hell is going on. Fails.

He vaguely recalls thinking he was about to die.

If this is death, then it _sucks_ – his head is splitting, and he aches everywhere. He's freezing.  
Then it comes crashing back...

_Pavel._

Pavel had been with him, hadn't he? 

Pavel had, had...

But he's alone here now – wherever “here” is. He can't see around him, can't hear past the buzzing in his head.

Until...

“Hikaru! Hikaru, I'm right here – open your eyes and look at me!” 

God. It sounds just like Pavel – but that's not possible, is it?

_Pav, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. I'm sorry, sorry..._

“Hikaru – come on. Listen to me.” Pavel feels his blood jangling like ice through his veins in sheer terror. 

When Pavel had left the ship a few days ago, Hikaru was fine – a little worse for the wear after their last away mission, but fine. 

Then had come the sudden call from the Enterprise – in his shock, he'd only registered the words “Sulu,” and “emergency,” and “immediately,” as well as the unmistakable urgency in Commander Spock's tone.

Now... Dr. McCoy tells him that if he can't get through to Hikaru, he could die.

_Die._

And that is unthinkable; he can't let that happen. 

He's been trying to make 'Karu listen to him now for half an hour without success – but it goes without saying he'll keep trying for as long as it takes. He'll never give up on his best friend.

_Not ever,_ he promises himself fiercely. 

“Can you hear me, 'Karu? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

Pavel sounds scared to death, Hikaru thinks; automatically, he squeezes his hand in reassurance. 

“S'okay, Pav,” he whispers without really waking. “Don' be scared, Pav... m'here. Won't go.”

Pavel's heart breaks just a little at that. _Oh, Hikaru_...

“Listen to me, 'Karu. We're back on the ship now – on the _Enterprise_. You got sick – you've been dreaming bad things – but we're both here. I'm here, 'Karu – I'm fine. Do you hear me, 'Karu?” 

Hikaru's forehead creases, his head rolls back and forth restlessly on the pillow. He doesn't respond.

“Squeeze my hand again, 'Karu.” He does, immediately.

_He's in there – he hears me,_ thinks Pavel. That's a start.

_So, now what do I say?_ He thinks for a moment, then forces a stern tone into his voice. 

_Make him listen to you, Chekov..._

“All right, Sulu. You damn well open your eyes and look at me – now – or, or... next time I do the all-ship announcements, I am telling the whole crew that when we were at the Academy, you are wearing boxers with rocket ships on them.”

“Like hell I did. Those are your boxers, you little shit.” 

Hikaru's eyes are still closed, but he sounds almost like his normal self. Like the Hikaru who's never left his best friend, and who won't start now. 

Pavel laughs at that unexpected response – and it's that sound, Pavel's laugh, that finally makes Hikaru open his eyes.

He looks – just _looks_ – at Pavel for a long, silent moment. Looks at him as though he's the best thing Hikaru has ever seen. 

Pavel's alive, he's right there, he's _fine_ , looking down at him with wide, expectant eyes. Hikaru is overwhelmed by a flood of sheer relief like he's never known before, sees that feeling reflected back at him in Pavel's face. Without meaning to, they've been scaring the shit out of each other.

Pavel squeezes his hand yet again, giving him a watery smile as he sags against the side of Hikaru's biobed.

Then McCoy is there, bending over Hikaru with a relieved expression of his own. “Sulu? You with me now?”

“Yeah, Doc.” Hikaru groans, looking around now and taking in his surroundings. “What the heck happened, anyway?”

“Well, Lieutenant, you're almost as bad as your buddy the Captain with your ability to pick up any random illness or injury that a planet has to offer. You evidently came back from that last mission with a nasty little parasite that's been trying to do a number on your insides – and your insides have been fighting back with the damnedest fever I've ever encountered in a human. But we've gotten rid of the organism, the meds are knocking out the infection – and now we'll see about that fever, all right?”

“That'd be good, sir. I feel like hell.”

McCoy's hand on Hikaru's shoulder is gentle. “I don't doubt it, kid. You've been through the wringer.” He reaches over to a nearby table. “See if this doesn't feel a little better – this is some good old-fashioned medicine.” The doctor places a cool, damp cloth across Hikaru's forehead.

And it does – it feels amazing. For maybe an entire minute, and then the cloth is as hot as he is – and he's too weak just now to move his arms and do anything about it. _Damn._

Pavel is watching him intently, though, and reaches down to turn the cloth over so that it's cool again. 

It feels good, and he's exhausted – but Hikaru thinks he probably needs to protest, anyway. “M'not a baby, Pav – don't have to do that.”

“Shut up, 'Karu. I want to.” After a little while, Pavel switches out the first cloth with another that's in a shallow bowl of cool water nearby, places the new cloth on Hikaru's forehead. He's trying to ignore how terrifyingly hot Hikaru feels as he touches his face.

Meanwhile, McCoy has prepared a hypo, and presses it deftly into Hikaru's neck. “This might help, too. But while we're waiting for this stuff to kick in, Sulu, I need you to rest and concentrate on getting better. Think you can do that?”

Around the edges of his consciousness – he really hasn't had much of a grip on reality lately, he realizes – Hikaru remembers wanting to give up, for it all just to be over.

But that was before.

“Yeah, Doc. I can for sure do that.” He gives Pavel a smile, and almost instantaneously, he reaches over to squeeze Hikaru's hand again. 

Whatever was in the hypo is starting to take effect; it's taking the edge off the ache in Hikaru's body, and making him feel pleasantly drowsy.

“This is good stuff, Doc,” he slurs, and McCoy laughs softly.

“Glad you like it.” He's scans Hikaru's monitors, and smiles; the kid's vitals are already stabilizing. “Now, see if you can't get some sleep, okay, Sulu?”

Then he looks down at his patient, laughs again. “Never mind.” McCoy exchanges another smile with Pavel as the man on the bed between them begins to snore softly.

“What do you think, Doctor? He will be all right now?” Pavel can't take his eyes off his best friend's face; he's no expert, but Hikaru looks... well, like Hikaru again.

“Now that he's stopped fighting us, there's no reason why he shouldn't get through this just fine, Chekov.” Pavel feels like he's able to breathe again, for the first time since Uhura called him on the _Revere_ – how long ago was that? He's lost track of the time.

McCoy is still speaking. “...probably going to be pretty well out of it for several hours, now. No reason why you need to stick around; we can let you know if there's any change in how he's doing.”

Pavel looks down at where he is still holding Hikaru's hand. Without letting go, he sinks into a chair next to the bed.

He smiles fondly at his sleeping friend – his friend who would have died sooner than leave him.

“ _Nyet,_ Doctor. I will stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'll be posting this series not in the order the pieces were written, but in the order they "happened." It's a little confusing (for me, at least!) This little bit would have been the earliest....! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the story.


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